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Letter From Yaounde To Buea 

Dear Mbella, I read your last missive and I was surprised you kept banding on trivial issues. All the talk about electoral doctoring and campaigns are small matters. We are now concerned with demographic data and how it will affect the 2011 battle, if that in itself is not a foregone conclusion. Tongues have been wagging about "how many we are?" There has been anger about the doctoring of results to fit the whims and caprices of Grand Camarade.
But it is naive for anybody to have expected anything different.

Some claim that census officers sat in their offices and filled the forms but made sure that everything was tailored to feed the expectations of Grand Etoudi. Telling the Louis IV of Etoudi some bitter truths about the demographic figures is subversion. Pleasant lies are sweet music to his ears. The demographic thing is already the setting and the harbinger of the 2011 outcome. Having put the chosen region as the most populous and "les regions ‘rebelle’ " as the least inhabited speak volumes to claims that the man will succeed himself in 2011.

Political soothsayers like us put it very clearly that the result of the electoral battle is already known. Firstly, the Ngumba will lose it to free, fair and transparent elections and win the game in the jungle of an all-out rigging cacophony. And this is exactly where the opposition will lose and cry "stolen victory", over spilled milk. But when the chips finally come down, victory will be victory since the soapbox game is one of elasticity of morals.

No doubt, the Anglos have remained stagnant in demographic evolution. The two regions are AIDS-cursed and stigmatized as areas where sterility has fully installed itself. Otherwise, figures on upcountry where polygamy is alive and kicking would have been different.
Mbella, the truth is that those figures are tied to the apron strings from where votes will be gotten. By the way, you must stop talking about who licked his fingers during the census.

But, the warning must go to all political Methuselah’s not to have any Good Luck Jonathans for their deputies. Good Luck really has good luck which is like a hoodoo to his immediate bosses. He was deputy to the Governor. The Governor was caged for criminal charges and Good Luck succeeded him. Good Luck later became Vice President just at the time that Abraham started calling the ailing president home. Good Luck was installed President and he immediately nodded-in a new cabinet. Good Luck is both a jinx and a mascot. I am tempted to name my son Good Luck.

I must caution you against poking your nose into things that don’t concern you. Do not be worried about the several postponements of the Judicial Council meeting. It should not also bother you why the nonagenarians in the judiciary are putting up a fierce battle against retirement. Mr. "my hands are tied" does not want to leave at all. Surely, they will retire after 2011 when Grand Camarade would have shown gratitude for their loyalty. Time will tell. Do not dissipate energy over what has been decided because you can hardly change it. I am preparing an envelope to assist you complete the fees for these children. Greet Enangs and the kids for me.
Sincerely, Ngwa

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