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Modern Love: Breaking Up With Style 

By Carine Bongadu

Breaking up with someone is not any easy thing to do. Believe me, I have been there enough times to know. Well, sometimes it is actually fun, especially if you caught your partner cheating on you. But mostly, it is an unpleasant task. It is quite easy to find material on how to get into a relationship, how to keep relationships going, how to stir up romance, but very few on how to end relationships. Relationships end every day, just like they start every day, so why not learn how to break up with style?

The first thing to do would be to choose the place for the break up conversation. You do not want to break up in public because you may cause a scene, you know, one of those girl-slaps-boy then-boy-beats-girl kind of scenes. No one likes to be humiliated, much less in public. Take the conversation to somewhere private. You know, I broke up with this guy once, and he cried like a baby. Luckily, we are at his place so he cried without any reservations. Imagine we were at a bar or some other public place; it would have been just too humiliating for him and I might have ended up getting slapped.

However, do not go somewhere too private because the person may become emotional and while trying to comfort that person, you may find yourself engaged in the same thing you were trying to stop. This happened to me once. I was ready to end the relationship, I told the guy it was over when he came over to see me, one thing led to another and I continued to date this guy for two more months.

Please, never break up with someone on their birthday, at Christmas or some other important feast day. If you do that, you may spoil this feast day forever. We have been told that honesty is a good thing but when it comes to break ups, you may want to withhold some of the truth. I mean, if someone told you they broke up with you because they met someone better, that you were a boring person, how would you feel? Even if you are relieved to be ending the relationship, just pretend for a few minutes that you are not so happy that your story together is coming to an end.

Break up in person. Do not send a text message, call or send an email. This is just too cruel and ruthless. You are breaking a heart already, just try and respect the person while you do so. I know it would be much easier for you if you were not looking the person in the eye but come on, give this person some respect, for old times’ sake.

The only reason why you should not break up with someone in person is if you fear the person will become violent and hurt you. Avoid clichés. We all know the ‘it is not you, it is me’ speech. That does not help in anyway. The bottom line is you are breaking up with the person and it is better for you to tell the person what she or he did wrong because they may spend months after that asking themselves what they did wrong.

And make sure that she or he is the first person to know about your break up. Do not go telling a third party you know has diarrhoea of the mouth before you actually break up. Finally, do not react when you are breaking up with someone. You are hurting this person, so let him or her feel free to express his or her pain in anyway they want. Shout, cry, break bottles – just make sure they are not breaking the bottles on your head.

Sometimes you may be lucky in the sense that both of you just understand the relationship has run its course and you are ready to go your separate ways. This unfortunately is not always the case. While you may be ready to turn the page, your partner may not be so, do all you can to break up nicely. Unless, of course, you are trying to exact revenge. In which case, you can just ignore everything you have just read and go for blood.

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