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Modern Love: When You Heart Breaks It Grows Back Bigger 

By Carine Bonadu

Have you ever felt like a fool? Have you ever been in something so deep that you felt was so real and then you found out it was all a lie?

It was a very productive day. I went to work early in the morning, did everything I had planned to do at work that day, wrapped up early and prepared to spend the weekend with my boyfriend. Only, the weekend never happened. Instead, I broke up with my boyfriend. Why? I found out he had not one, but two other girlfriends. I was number three.

I went from being very happy to almost depressed with the snap of a finger. I was angry. Suddenly, so many things began to fall in place. I had been very foolish, I thought. I thought about all the times when we had planned to go somewhere and then something would come up instantly and I, trying not to nag, would say "it’s okay, we can do this another time." I thought about the fact that I had never had an unscheduled visit to his house before. All these I had done because I trusted him.

Then, I started to think. There were several things I had not liked about the guy anyway. He was almost archaic or caveman-like. He thought that in a relationship the man always has the last say and should be able to tell the woman what to do and what not to do.

He also thought that in a relationship, the woman has to make all the career sacrifices; God forbid that she is more successful than her husband! She has to make time to carry the baby for nine months, breastfeed for another twelve months and while she is bloated and unattractive, he can conveniently find himself a young female to care for his "needs". After all, this young female would mean nothing to him because he loves his wife. This ex-boyfriend of mine also thought that he was too handsome and very successful, so women all over were dying to be with him. I hated the arrogance.

What drew me to him in the first place? He was easy to talk to, you know, the kind of guy you never have awkward silent pauses in conversations with. He was a friend before he was a lover and he was fun to be around with. He was also going to be easy to present to my mother if it ever got to that. He could be caring sometimes and yes, he was handsome and successful.

But now, I realise that was never enough. Yes, some part of me is hurt but another part of me is grateful that the relationship did not last. I am too much of a feminist to be with a guy like that. This probably means that three-quarters of the guys I will come across in my life are already out, unless I am ready to settle and make do with what I see. Nah, forget it. That is definitely not me. So, how about if I just give up dating altogether and prepare to be sixty, all alone with only a cat for company? I do love cats but I am too much of a romantic to give up.

I am going to stay in the dating game because I believe that one day I will find someone who will love me for who I am and I will love him for who he is. I believe in love, all consuming, painful love, the kind you see in the movies. Her vacation is over and Carine B is back full-throttle. If you can’t get enough of Modern Love in the paper, log on to Facebook and join the fan base Modern Love with Carine B. Leave comments and tell Carine what you will like her to write about.

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