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Spygalss:Why Married Women Have Affairs 

By Azore Opio

Recently, a friend of mine, Vanessa, visited me in Buea. We had lunch at one of those restaurants mushrooming on Biya Boulevard. Scantily dressed girls and boys with pantaloons hanging below their hips provided our backdrop. I told Vanessa of my interest in knowing why married women have affairs, for, the other week, a colleague had asked me to accompany him to meet one of his old flames.

He asked me what he could take for her. I said "cutting soya". From the Clerks’ Quarters beef joint, he purchased soya for FCFA 2000. What I saw at the rendezvous almost blinded me; the wife of a very dear friend. I didn’t want to put "sand-sand" in Caro’s "garri" so I played cool. Anyway, Vanessa coughed politely and squirmed. I waited to hear what she had to say. She told me her story.

Five years ago, Vanessa’s husband started ignoring her. No big deal. They had been married for a while and other things had his attention, especially those damn football channels on TV. It started to bother Vanessa a lot. She tried to liven things up, you know, pepper soup dinner, sexy lingerie, and all. She even saw their pastor. See? She didn’t want a divorce. She just wanted Bob to change. But he didn’t. His football watching drove Vanessa crazy. One day she went to a friend’s birthday party. Bob remained at home, watching football. Let him have his game, Vanessa was nettled enough to go alone. At the party, a guy stared at her right away.

Their eyes locked. All night long, he paid a lot of attention to Vanessa. As she was leaving, the guy asked for her number. She hesitated, but gave him the number anyway. Two days later she called him and they started sleeping together right away. He was so sweet, but it ended in a short while. She was afraid of getting caught. That is a great story, isn’t it? A few days later, I met Caro and she offered to tell me her story. "I had always imagined being married a long time, until the day I caught my husband cheating on me.

I was mad with anger. I went out, met a man and began sleeping with him." Since I spoke with Vanessa and Caro, several other married women have opened up to me. Valentine told me she cheated on her husband and felt guilty about it. They have three children, they been married for 10 years now. Valentine and her husband are so very much opposite when it comes to thoughtfulness; that is showing love. He never tells her that she looks good in her dresses, or she looks good with her hairdo, or she cooks the best meal ever! Never! So, she went out looking for someone she could feel connected to.

I felt so sorry for Valentine, but what was I to do? Another one told me her husband cheated with her old girlfriend from high school…lied to her! Another one said her husband cheated on her with his brother’s horrible ex-girlfriend. Gosh! Yet, Sheila told me that she fantasises about this guy she met online. Boy! In her mind, she would like to submit to him completely and have mind-blowing sex in every possible way for days and nights on end. 

There you are. Nowadays, marriages do not seem to mean nearly as much as they used to in the past. There is rarely a single reason why a married woman cheats on her husband rather; there are a multitude of reasons ranging from excitement: a new lover, secret meetings, intensity, the danger of getting caught; lust for sex, attention, revenge, to the need to uplift one’s self-esteem and mid-life crisis. Then there is of course, the large number of women who have jobs and careers. A career woman, you will agree with me, is exposed to many males who are only too happy to kiss her deep and grant her the affection she craves.

And you also know that these days, it doesn’t take long before the male affection that was so prevalent before marriage dissipates into grunts and nods unless he needs to satisfy his physical urges. But, you know what! Sometimes getting sex from another can keep a married couple together. Well, married people might be getting the shivers because they will begin to think about their own situation. Let me tell you, there are people who don’t want to divorce over a single issue.

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